March 07, 2005

Talking About Women

“…always telling us they want us to express our feelings? Don’t believe it, dude. Only two feelings they want to hear us express: one, how much we love them, two, how right they are about everything. Try to express anything else to them, they don’t want to hear it. Be sleeping on the couch. Ever hear two of them talking when one’s got a problem? Honest with each other? All they ever do is say, ‘Oh, you’re right, you’re right, you’re so wonderful …’ No wonder they don’t get anywhere. They got a problem, they don’t want to hear how to solve it. They just want to hear how perfect they are and it’s everybody else’s fault. Dude, you can’t solve a problem that way. You gotta face reality, and they don’t want to come anywhere near it.”

She enters the room. “Hi, what are you guys talking about?”

“About you. How great you are, how much I love you.”

“You were not. Cut it out.”

“He was,” the friend says. “He can’t live without you. I know him.”

She comes up and kisses her guy.

“Sweet,” the friend says. “Dude, you are lucky.”

When she’s gone, they sneak a quiet high five.