Ten Things About Me
A while ago, Nappy40 started posting lists revealing 100 numbered facts about herself, counting down from 100. She’s reached 33 at last count. Well, I’ve got nothing better to do at 4 am so I might as well get confessional. When one’s plate is empty one might as well start on one’s own guts. But I’m not going to list 100 things, only 10. You can extrapolate the other 90.
1. I never heard a civil conversation till I was 17 and in college.
2. My parents separated years before they had me, their first child. For their sakes they should have stayed separated, but I’m glad they didn’t.
3. I used to be a shade over 5’ 8” but I’ve shrunk. Now I’m 5’ 7 1/2”.
4. My internist once told me, “No doctor will ever get rich from your heart.”
5. In my youth my appearance was frequently compared to that of George Harrison, Dustin Hoffman, and Al Pacino. In middle age the most realistic comparison, I think, has been to Stephen Rea. Those jowls.
6. I have two half–siblings who are within a year of my grown children’s ages. I hardly know them.
7. In my late forties I stopped caring whether anyone thought I wasn’t macho.
8. There are entire generations of sports stars and pop idols whose entire careers I’ve missed. I glance up to find they’re retiring and I’ve never seen them play.
9. I’m 100% inner-directed and verbal. I’m considered learning–disabled for spatial relationships because my spatial IQ, while above average, is so much lower than my verbal IQ. If I’m trying to fix a toilet, I can’t look at it and see what goes where; I need to have it translated into words.
10. This is my favorite joke. It will show you where I’m from. Henny Youngman told it in the 1980s, at the time of the Solidarity movement.
Two old ladies in the Bronx: “Did you see what’s happening in Poland?” “I don’t see nothing, I live in the back.”
It was never one of his biggest laughs, but I knew exactly what he was talking about. Bialystok.
1. I never heard a civil conversation till I was 17 and in college.
2. My parents separated years before they had me, their first child. For their sakes they should have stayed separated, but I’m glad they didn’t.
3. I used to be a shade over 5’ 8” but I’ve shrunk. Now I’m 5’ 7 1/2”.
4. My internist once told me, “No doctor will ever get rich from your heart.”
5. In my youth my appearance was frequently compared to that of George Harrison, Dustin Hoffman, and Al Pacino. In middle age the most realistic comparison, I think, has been to Stephen Rea. Those jowls.
6. I have two half–siblings who are within a year of my grown children’s ages. I hardly know them.
7. In my late forties I stopped caring whether anyone thought I wasn’t macho.
8. There are entire generations of sports stars and pop idols whose entire careers I’ve missed. I glance up to find they’re retiring and I’ve never seen them play.
9. I’m 100% inner-directed and verbal. I’m considered learning–disabled for spatial relationships because my spatial IQ, while above average, is so much lower than my verbal IQ. If I’m trying to fix a toilet, I can’t look at it and see what goes where; I need to have it translated into words.
10. This is my favorite joke. It will show you where I’m from. Henny Youngman told it in the 1980s, at the time of the Solidarity movement.
Two old ladies in the Bronx: “Did you see what’s happening in Poland?” “I don’t see nothing, I live in the back.”
It was never one of his biggest laughs, but I knew exactly what he was talking about. Bialystok.
posted by Richard Lawrence Cohen at 3:57 AM
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